...when you rode your dinosaur. Haha! (Lame, corny jokes are still my thing. Sorry I'm not sorry)
Hello! for maybe one of the last times.
It's been awhile, and I know that. I have missed it, but I know now that somethings aren't meant to be put on display and I had a lot of growing up to do these past few months. But I still love writing. And tonight wasn't planned, I hadn't thought this through. This is one of those nights where I just need to write.
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. We're done with Competitive Sports, and in a week I will have my last meeting. I signed up for and ran in a half marathon with a friend and coworker. We had our end of the year banquet and my student staff was recognized for their hard work. I went to that big conference that is for all those people in the recreational field and I met some very genuine and sincere people. I made connections from old friends and new friends and I'm looking for a job in the same field because I love it. And back at SIU we never fully slowed down, even as the year is/was ending. We held special events, we worked our butts off, we laughed, we loved, we fought, we cried, and sometimes we laughed until we cried.
I say one of the last times because my adventures in Salukiville are coming to an end very, very soon. 17 days to be exact. Wow. Reread my first blog from 20 months ago and who would have thought this time would come. Not I.
In the past few weeks, I say I've done a lot of growing because I'm going to be apart of the real work force. Not a student, but a contributing adult in society with bills and payments and no homework or papers to write. It's something I have never experienced before. Ever. I won't be looking up grades or checking out potential professor's office hours or deciding if I want to really take that Friday morning class because without it my schedule is so much better suited for 3 day weekend getaways and sleeping in. Nope. All done. I'll have an MBA behind my name and *fingerscorssed* a 9-5 job.
But oddly enough, while I should act like this...
I'm more like this.
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And I think that's where the growing has really happened.
I'm much more calm now, and I like to think I've got some thicker skin. I've seen things and experienced more than I ever thought possible but I lived. Not only lived but thrived. I had a momentary bout with depression but I'm feeling better. I still have rough days but things are brighter and I'm sleeping easier. I can probably thank my group therapy for that. But I like to think that it was just a coping process that I experienced with the fact that I knew change was coming and I couldn't do anything about it. But I'm ok now. And I'm ready for a change. And I'm excited and scared but all in all, I'm ready. I've never been more confident in myself and my skills to say that yeah, where ever life takes me, I'm ready for it. For those that know me, that's kind of a big deal. I'm not a naturally confident person and my biggest critic is myself. It's a flaw and it's a work in progress. But at least I am progressing.
There's really only today that I really want to get into tonight. And then we'll go back to our own lives and our merry ways. But this one, it's a good one. Promise.
Today, I ran the GA meeting, our last one of the year. Kind of felt fitting that I should be the one to run it. And because I like my meetings short and too the point, my boss bet me I couldn't finish in 30 minutes. Game on. Before, I never really understood why we, as GA's, had to run the meetings. We do mock interviews, and have opportunities to develop professionally, why should running a meeting be any help. And about half way through the meeting, in the middle of some sort of update being talked about by a person who probably could have told us all about the update via email instead, it all made sense. I was surrounded by my team. Do you see what I did there? I used the possessive pronoun "my". I take ownership of that meeting and those involved, those who are my coworkers and superiors, but they are all MINE. I am leading them all in that moment in time and I am the captain and I get to steer us to whatever agenda I so choose. I am leading my team. And if that was the reasoning behind my Director's decision to have us lead the meetings or not, I don't know. But I know that it resonated with me. We are all forced to sit at that table together. No, really, we are. I didn't hire any of them, and not all of them had a choice in hiring me so we are a forced team. But we're still a team. And sometimes teams need different types of leaders, different roles need to be filled, and different opinions need to be shared so that success can happen. Give us the tools and the chance to figure out where we stand in that team, and we can take ownership of our jobs and the roles we fill. Give us the tools to show our own leaders what we can do, what we can come up with and what we can offer that maybe we wouldn't have been able to if we always sat in the back, and never thought we could own anything.
Oh and I did get us out in 30 minutes and 40seconds. #likeaboss
If I ever get to be a director one day, I will make it absolutely mandatory that each member of my team gets a chance to run a meeting. I get it now. It may have taken me 20 months, but I get it. And I am thankful.
The second part of my story was shortly after that meeting, I had another, more private meeting. At the end of every graduating GA's term, they sit down and have a one-on-one exit interview with our Director. It's intimidating because you're supposed to be honest and answer very difficult questions.
And it was all of that. It was intimidating and they were very difficult questions. But I tried to be 100% honest and he let me talk and say all of the negatives and positives that I had and he just nodded and wrote them all down. And then it was his turn to speak.
He told me how he remembered meeting me on my visit over two years ago on the Rugby field. I was bandaged up from a bad bike accident but he said how I was just beaming with excitement and a fresh energy and he said that he knew that I was special. I was an outsider, I had traveled so far to a place that I had no ties to prior, my boss didn't know my old boss and it all came down to going on a whim and a gut feeling that I knew this was the right place for me. And he thought it was a great thing. He told me that he has watched me grow and work so incredibly hard at my job that he knew that it was never just a job to me. That it was a passion and that my students were always my first priority. He said that he could tell that I was young and naive and needed to learn a lot but he could see that I made an impact on people and that it was for the better. And then he told me that he was honored to have been able to work with me and to see me grow into a professional.
Cue the waterworks. I teared up a little bit but was able to hold it together. Kind of.
To get that accolade from him, that acknowledgement was truly humbling. His words will stay with me forever and there is no gift great enough to replace them. I have never felt so proud to be his GA. I will always know him as my director and I will always be his GA. I am so honored to hold that title.
I won't go into specifics but I didn't feel that my time at SIU was a total failure, nor a total success. I had goals and dreams that I never reached. I had visions and ideas that couldn't be produced outside of a brainstorm. Do I regret it? Never. Not even a little bit. It wasn't always sunshine and rainbows but overall the good outweighed the bad. My boss, Lane, no one can hold a candle next to him, we are such a good team and it will be so hard to leave him. To say he's a good boss doesn't do him any justice. And through all of the trials and difficulties and times we wanted to rip each other's heads off, he always had my back and trusted in me even when I didn't. I will never be able to thank him enough.
I have loved it here. And I will cry when I have to leave this place that I call home. I really do call it home. I own that term, not just for my apartment but for my workplace and for the people who have impacted my life so incredibly much. I will always be a Saluki in my heart and the people at the Rec Center will always be my family. I will always consider the Rec Center as my home. I am so incredibly thankful and fortunate for every experience good and bad and for this opportunity as it was truly astounding and amazing.
It's so close to the end and I am scared for what's next. It's a good scared, an awe-inspiring fear of the unknown. But I am ready.
Look out world. I'm coming for ya.
To be continued.
