Gone but Not Forgotten

Hey friends. Thanks for checking in, I'm doing well, and I hope to start blogging again real soon. I have a post that was sitting in my drafts about the craziness of the holidays, (oops) so feel free to check that out.

As much as I want to talk about how things are going well, and that I got back from the NIRSA annual conference that was awesome and fun and how looking back over these past 9 months (9 months exactly tomorrow) so much has changed, I wanted to take the time to talk about something else.

About a very special someone in my life who maybe didn't receive enough credit or appreciation. And he unfortunately, has left this world and passed on, and I miss him dearly. I wish I could say these things to him, but I know it's too late. My only solace is thinking that he does know how much I care, how much my family truly loved and cherished him, and that I am ever so thankful for the time we did get to share.

Growing up, I had a grandfather who loved us grandkids very much. He would get up early and bring us donuts and would sing in the long car rides together. He taught me how to spell my first curse word and then would encourage me on to stand up at the dinner table and spell it for everyone to show how great of a speller I became. He passed on to me his sarcastic and corny jokes, and his incredibly quick wit. But he passed away when I was 13. Fast forward a few years and my Nana introduced us to a new man in her life. They weren't 'dating' and we often didn't know what to call him, except "Jack, just Jack". They were travel partners and companions. Do you really call an 80 year old man, your grandmother's boyfriend? I couldn't. I was miffed I didn't have a boyfriend yet in high school so that was never going to happen. So Jack became 'Just Jack' to me.

Jack would be with my Nana and they would travel to far off lands like Brazil and Norway and bring us back little tokens and trinkets from their travels. Jack was a 2 star Army General and always had some very surreal but amazing stories from his time spent in the army. I went to college only about an hour away from he and Nana, so it wouldn't be unusual for them to stop for lunch or to invite me over. It was at one of these luncheons with Jack and Nana (we coined them always together, since they were) that he and I got into a very lengthy and interesting (to probably no one else) conversation about Walt Whitman, Ernest Hemingway and other great dead writers. I was writing a paper on the subject and I'd be lying if I told you most of that essay were ideas and observations made by Jack. He recited Oh Captain, My Captain by heart at that restaurant in Davis, California and we became quick friends.

Jack was great at remembering my birthday and gave me a lovely stationary set when I turned 19. I sent him a thank you using the stationary, and I guess he was so pleased that it was a good gift he told my Nana that he wanted to send me a thank you card for the thank you I sent him. I used up that stationary that had my name embroidered beautifully in navy blue and gold (UCDavis colors) when applying to jobs, that I regret not keeping one piece just to serve as a reminder of him. He always knew and was genuinely interested when I talked about finding a job in recreation, and he even suggested that I look into living on the east coast. Specifically University of West Virginia, his alma mater but he's entitled to be a little biased. Upon graduating from UCDavis, he gave me one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask to receive. He invited me and only me to stay with him and my Nana in Paris, in his time share. It was one of the greatest trips of my life.

Jack spent a considerable amount of time in Paris while in the army and had fallen in love with the city and the people. Every year he would return in the summer for months and weeks at a time. So this was a pretty big deal that he was inviting me to go with them. My aunt and uncle learned of the invitation and then soon our party of 3 turned into a party of 5. I would join Jack and Nana to eat breakfast at a cafe and then go to the museums and landmarks, shuffling from cabs and listening to Jack tell his grand stories and interpret French for us, all the while being the most gentlemanly of hosts one could be. He paid for everything, always took a cab and always asked to make sure I saw all of Paris that I wanted to see. In the afternoons we would all lunch together, Jack and Nana, aunt and uncle, and me. Then as Jack and Nana went back to the apartment, I would be handed off to the other couple and we would walk about the city with no French speakers among us and no real destination, just exploring for the best foods the city could offer. I was 21 but was very much being the main concern in the planning of the days events...(Jack speaking with my aunt) - "Well, your mother and I are going to take Marissa to the Louvre, and then we will meet you for lunch, can you be up and ready by 1pm?" "Well we wanted to check out the Latin Quarter, so could you drop off Marissa near the Arc d'Triomphe?" "That's a little out of the way, what about taking Marissa to Napoleon's Tomb and tomorrow we can do the Eiffel Tower and you can pick her up there..." etc. etc.

After about 4 days of this I told them that I would be exploring alone, and that I would meet them all back at the apartment for dinner. 

But the trip was wonderful and I came to cherish that time I got to spend with both him and my Nana as well as with my aunt and soon to be uncle. I got to spend each evening drinking Beefeater gin martinis with a twist of lemon, a twist of lemon (you had to say it to the waiter twice or else they would give you an olive, which he hated) and playing cards and laughing about his mishaps the first time he traveled to Paris. I still have the map and the key chain of the Eiffel tower that he got me while on that very trip. Just this past summer, my siblings and mom were able to travel with Jack and Nana to Paris, and recreate my grad trip.

Jack would come with us on multiple family trips from then on, including Hawaii, and my siblings and I got to spend much more time with him even as we all went our separate ways for school. While we never introduced him as our grandfather, he was every embodiment of the word to us. Holidays and other days of celebration all included him. We could joke and enjoy his company and he became a very integral part of the family.

Jack passed away on the morning of March 31st. I was preparing to go on a work trip that would take me to Florida during his funeral. After weighing my options and looking at flights and times and connections, it proved to be especially difficult and expensive to find a way to get all the way back to California in a very short amount of time. I almost bought the ticket though as I wanted to be there since I felt I hadn't shown him enough how we all truly loved him, how much he meant to me. And then I looked over at my Paris key chain and my Walt Whitman book and thought how Jack would chuckle in his own way and recite Oh Captain, My Captain. It might not make any sense, but it did for me. It was his way of saying he knew. And it was ok.
So I opted in not going. My brother wasn't able to attend either but the Allen family represented us well, and we can mourn and pay our respects in other ways. I made sure to have a Beefeater Gin martini (it was the last of the bottle, and the bartender said they don't typically carry it. Must have been meant to be) with a twist of lemon, a twist of lemon the night before his funeral and wished that if I could live half of the very full life that Jack had lived, than I would be pretty well off. The world lost maybe the most interesting, kindest and genuinely most caring man that day. But I am so thankful to have been apart of his life.

RIP Jack. We'll always have Paris.

To be continued. 

Rissa Returns Part 2

Howdy Y'all!!

Can you believe 2015 is almost over??? Gah, I better get to explaining the end of 2015 before 2016 gets here. I like to look back at mhy old posts and man oh man...I'm shocked at how time flies but also at how incredibly stupid I was/can be. Sheesh. But I am pretty darn funny. Kinda.

So back to Thanksgiving and Rissa returning to the great state of Texas.

I've been to Texas now three times and all three times has been to Dallas. For such a large state I should check out other cities but until Family or friends move there, Big Dallas will be the spot.

Last time I made my way out to Texas it was for the Annual Conference for NIRSA and I was looking for a job...and the time before that I was headed to spend Thanksgiving with the same aunt and uncle. Only then it was just me and them. And two dogs. That's it. The Lone Niece Thanksgiving of 2014 was my first trip to Texas. It can be a little odd to hang out with family when you aren't surrounded by more family or your immediate family but we became closer and we had a great time. One of my favorite times and great memories. 

This time however, I started a trend. My aunt invited her newphews, and her kids had moved back in with them while they figured out careers, school and started families of their own. 

So we had 1 aunt, 1 uncle, 3 nephews, 2 significant others of the nephews, 1 daughter, 1 son, 1 son-in-law, 1 grandbaby, 2 original dogs, 2 dogs owned by daughter and son-in-law, 1 dog owned by son, and 1 dog owned by a nephew and last but definite anything but lease, me, the original lone niece. If you can't do the math, I'll let you know...it was 11 adults, 1 infant and 6 dogs all under one roof.

Luckily it's a 2 story house with 3 bathrooms (thank god) or it would have been wayyy worse of a time. I should also explain that the nephews are not my cousins. I had never met them before, they're on the other side of the family. It was just me and the uncle to represent our side but they were pretty cool bunch. 3 brothers and their girlfriends and one of their dogs. We got to know each other and the whole week was pretty fun. Upon arriving, I got the chance to meet them all and we all spent the evening drinking wine (my aunt and uncle are big winos) chatting loudly, laughing over family memories, holding the new baby and drinking more wine (i'm not kidding, they really are big winos). 

Wine and baby Keenan. What more could you ask for?

We ate way too much food on Thanksgiving, but with 11 people, left overs are not a thing, they maybe had some left overs that lasted until later that night. We also played a game that's really not PC but super fun. 

It's called Secret Hitler, and it's a game kind of like Clue, where you try to figure out who the liberals and the facists are (facists are bad) and then try to kill off Hitler before he becomes Chancelor. It's actually really fun and we spent the time accusing family of being facist-sympathizers while shouting German obscenities and drinking a plethora of wine and beer. It probably was fairly historically accurate to what actually happened in Facist Germany. I got plastered as I haven't drank much since July and 3 glasses in I was telling everyone to call me Angela Merkel and explained how I was going to save pre-EU Germany from economic disaster and that they would all be idiots if they didn't vote for me in the Bundestag (the equivalent of the House in the US) and my international relations and poli-sci major finally had a purpose and I was nerding out real hard.

Friday we nursed some slight hangovers (ok I probably was the only one with a hangover, sue me) and went out to the Big D itself, Downtown Dallas. We went to probably the classiest bowling alley you will ever find, with gourmet food and legit cocktails and a craft beer selection to make the snobiest of beer enthusiasts drool. You went bowling, and then a staff waited on you so in between turns, instead of eating sketchy nachos and whatever is left in the cooler I had a Moscow Mule, some artisan bread and cheese dips (their version of a pretzel and nacho cheese) and someone else got 4 gourmet sliders that were not sliders but actual burgers but it's Texas so you know, that's small. 

Proof that I bowled over 100 for the first time in my 24 years of life. Going pro next week.

We brought baby Keenan with us and it was loud and more like a decently lit bar that everyone just happened to be wearing bowling shoes at, but he did great for an infant. I helped get him ready and let's just say that's about the best damn version of birth control ever. Not 3 seconds (I'm not even exaggerating a little bit) after I got him kicking and screaming into his clothes and jacket to go out, I picked him up and he not only spit up all over himself but me as well. Ok, kid. I know you don't know who the heck I am but you're going to need to learn real fast that Aunt Marissa is not to be spit up on. We probably had to change him 4 times and we were only out in public for maybe 2 hours. 

Lindz, I love your kiddo, but you can keep him. Taking a hard pass on the whole having kids deal for quite some time. A very hard pass. 

Outfit #2 of 4 that day. Little man is cute as a button but so. Much. Laundry.

But it was a very fun night and after bowling we found a place to sit and eat and drink (do you notice a theme here?) and chat. It was definitely what I needed. No job, no work, no home sick, just fun. 

Saturday, was go home day for most of the cousins, nephews and myself, so it was more or less spent just picking up, and then heading out. I didn't want to leave, to be honest. It felt really nice to be with family and people who care. And New York meant I'd go back to my very lonely schedule of work, gym, home, repeat. 

I think my aunt and uncle picked up on how much I was struggling at that moment. I hit just about 5 months on the East Coast and I was on the lower part of the roller coaster ride of ups and downs. My uncle and I had a good talk about the real world, and he told me about how learning the hard way is the only way but it'll be ok in the end. He talked about how he screwed up at first too. He and I are pretty darn similar, and we both have only just began to realize it. We like the same weird, alternative music that people look at us like we're trying to be Portland hipsters at a concert in the back of a dive bar, in plaid t-shirts and think-rimmed glasses, but then we show up in jeans, converse shoes, in a Mini Cooper and with an attitude of "I'll do what I want" (btw Trevor, Ch. 35 on SiriusXM is my new favorite satellite radio station. And yes, I ask for my parents to renew my subscription every year for Christmas. Check it out.) and have the same sense of sarcastic, everyone here is an idiot, humor (the title of Grand Master Master of the Universe title is up for grabs currently) and a tad too defensive for our own good, and a bit of weird idea that school is good and the more degrees we can get, why the heck not? He's sitting on 2 master's and a doctorate. Why? Because he wanted to advance his career but we both are big nerds. I got my MBA just because I knew it was going to advance me in a career. Which career, who knows. I would have preferred a poli-sci master's degree, and I have a subscription to not only the Times but Wall St. Journal too, my favorite TV shows deal with lawyers and Madame Secretary with her kicking some serious international relations a$$ and I'm like I so could do that (no not at all). I'm already looking at classes I can audit for free since I work at UAlbany. I dabble with the idea of teaching at the college level. But I'm only 5 months and 5 days into my current job so you know...patience. Also something my uncle and I lack. But it was a good life talk with him basically just saying I did it, so you can too. It made leaving a bit easier and got me excited for the future. 

What really got me was on Friday night as we were sitting all together in a little restaurant that was definitely more for the hipster Dallas locals, and after maybe a few drinks (more than a few, we promise we aren't alcoholics) I was talking with my aunt about my job and just everything. And I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again. If my emotional level isn't between a 3 and a 7, I'm crying. So I'm tearing up about being home and friend-sick. She gave me a hug and said, she was proud of me and that I was more of a daughter than a niece. Hit me right in the feels. I'm very lucky to have not just a good but a close relationship with them both. 

Ok, I'm pretty infatuated with the baby and I'm pretty happy he's around now. 

I went back to New York happy to be back actually. We finished up IM sports and Clubs for the semester and I don't feel the need to cry everyday on my drive in or sometimes on my drive home too because I have nothing to go home to and those tweets and letter's to the president really do get to me. (That was a very real time but none of my coworkers know so keep it on the DL) I'm not as miserable. And a few days after my thanksgiving vacation, my boss and I had a semester in review and he asked me what grade would I give myself for the time I had spent. I said a B, and that was honest. It's no where I want it to be yet but we're doing good things and I think it's headed in the right direction. He agreed and gave me an A-. He said that he didn't think that they could have picked a better person for the position if they had the chance to pick anyone and not just the ones who applied. That's pretty uplifting to hear your boss's boss say. I guess it's going a lot better than what they had planned on for the first semester. And we got some big plans for the next semester that I'm excited for, and others that are necessary but not as fun. 

All that's missing are the 6 dogs!

Still weird to think that I made it through my first semester. It felt like it dragged on and on but looking back it went by pretty fast too. Funny how that works.

To be continued.