Giving and Taking

Hey hey there.

I've been neglecting my blog as of late, my apologies. But it's been crazy busy and when it's not all I want to do is sleep. Or watch tv. But I just don't want to do anything that requires thinking.

Class is good. It's getting harder and I'm finding more and more that if you don't do ALL of the readings you're screwed. Gone are the years of baloney and BS-ing of papers and discussions. Dammit.
I guess that's what makes it grad school.

But instead of giving you a play by play of each and every day since I last wrote I'm switching it up, and just going to talk about my feelings, thoughts, emotions, that sorta thing.

Ok before you go thinking I'm so weird emo child who's off her rocker, hear me out. It's still adventures just not my lame day to day life.

So here we go.

I had a couple of realizations/experiences/learning curves this week. The first being that I have a problem with trying to be the new girl at the same time trying to be a boss. Some of my staff is older than me. And they have obviously been at SIU a whole lot longer than I. So the concept that I should be telling them what to do is still kinda weird to me. This last week though, oh boy. I think they got it really quick that I am not someone to just lay down and die.
The deal with IM sports is that as a supervisor you have a pretty un-glamorous job. Show up, tell refs what to do and then stand and supervise. Hence, the name Supervisor. It's not rocket science.
But this day happened to be a bit more of a struggle. 3 sups were assigned a shift. Only one person really is needed to grab the gear and start the shift. But instead of COMMUNICATING with each other, all assumed that someone would do it. Someone other than themselves. All of them.

What happens when you ASSUME people?? Com'on you know it…It makes an ASS out of U and ME. True story. (I hated whenever my mom used this but I totally had to use it and kinda play mom disciplining the kids. gag)

Anyways, ya, they all assume the other is going to be their and then bam. All of them are late and none of the gear is ready. Solid. I just happened to check on the fields as another GA needed to go out and watch a few games for his writing class and I told him I'd show him around…boy are my sups unlucky.
So I'm there and it's about 15min to game time and there are refs but no sups. Wait. What? No…
10min now and nobody. Ok.. wtf. not cool. I'm calling and texting and getting more and more angrier and stressed by the second.

One shows up. Apologizes, says he was here earlier but none of the gear was and had to drive back to the Rec to get it all. (Be on time and this wouldn't be a problem.) So he gets an earful from me but I can't spend too much time as he has to single handedly set up the other games. I go out with him to help, all the while calling and calling and calling. Finally, one picks up. Low and behold, it's the kid who wants to be a GA. Ohhh buddy…that's a great way to start. "Yes, I'd love to be considered for a professional position but I can't show up on time for my job." That'll go over real well. He answers, totally unaware, "Hey, what's up?"
He's so not ready for this.
"WHERE ARE YOU???"
he gets it now and starts to panic.
"I'm on my way to the fields, why, I had a meeting but I'm going right now why, what's wrong?
"Why would you not let us now you had a meeting? WHY? You. Are. Late. Get here. Now."
CLICK. (well it was on my iPhone so you don't get to slam the phone down with a satisfying crash, or click, the touch screen just doesn't have that effect.)

I now can see the 3rd sup pull up, 2nd one, GA kid, close behind. They both rush down and strategically go to the field I'm not on. I can still see you and you can't hide, nimrods. They get the games going and I walk over to them, calmly, trying to contain my anger.
Why so angry? They have a very easy job. There's not a whole lot to manage, it's not very high risk and it's fun. I have a problem with people not taking it seriously though. I also don't like it when people (any people not just sups) think they're getting away with not taking it seriously. Do your job. It's your job, you're not entitled to anything because of it, just do it and do it right. (Gosh I sound like my dad it's kinda frightening.)
I chastise them but I'm calm and collected, I think, for the most part. They apologize, promise up and down it won't happen again, blah blah they've heard it all before.
But later I have a talk with GAwannabe. I hate playing bad cop but this isn't going to fly if he wants to be taken seriously. But as I was standing there trying to convey myself as an authority figure, I noticed that I'm pretty sure he's not taking me seriously but that none of the sups take me seriously. I'm from California, I haven't shown any skills yet other than office work and they already have a very Type A personality GA who they take very seriously. It makes sense. But it sucks.

So what now?

I finish the talk and just ask he try a little harder. After watching a few games and chatting with the other GA about his writing project, and we get on the subject of why we're doing our perspective GAs and what we want for the future. I want a lot. I want to be successful and to not have a boss, I want to be THE boss. I want to run my own program and run it really really well, so well that I don't have to be there and it'll work like a well-oiled machine without any hiccups. But as I'm talking I'm realizing that that's never going to happen. I need other people's help. Especially those underneath me. Point in case: the Sups.
After this light bulb moment I pretty much feel like crap. I feel like the only one that wants me here is me. And that's not ok. And that moment of feeling sad turns into frustration and anger because I know I deserve respect and to be taken seriously. Very seriously. I have good ideas and I am willing to learn too. I can be good. I know I'm good. But how to get them to get that? You can't just say "Oh ya, I'm awesome." and have them believe you.

On a different night, I go out again. This time after a difficult class I just wanted to watch some sports and de-stress. I'm watching and talking with the sups. We somehow get on the subject of what the GAs in the rec do. I explain a few positions and talk about how we have GA meetings, etc. One of the sups says then seemingly joking, "How do you know? You're not a GA."

But I'm stunned. They don't even see me as a GA? Am I that bad?

After some thinking and some reflection on how to respond, I basically throw in the towel and just go "Listen. I know I'm new. And I don't know a lot. I don't do a whole lot for you it seems. But I need your help. I need you guys to help me learn and show me the ropes. I'm not going to write you up, and I'm not going to play hard-ass boss with you. But if you help me, I can most definitely help you later on."

And that was it. Boom. They go "Yeah. We know. We can help."

The rest of the night we watched games, I learned more about reffing and what they do on the job. I asked, they answered and I think I learned more from that one night out there then I have in a week.

I now feel like one of them. Not only are they joking with me but when I ask, they do it. We can flip the switch from friends to business quickly. And it's good. I have a place. And that's really good.

Once I showed that I do take it seriously and just was honest, they understood. That's all it took. No magic, nothing major, just very honest, hey I'm trying but I need you too. The respect is mutual.

How do I know for sure? I was on the phone with another sup, a girl named Sally, who called me saying she would be late to rugby as she had a lot of gear from baseball.  One of the staff who's on baseball was there and over heard. I didn't ask him to do anything out of the ordinary or to help her more than normal. I didn't even ask him to do anything, really.
I got a text tonight from the sup working. I was confused and asked why she was thanking me. She goes "I don't know what you said to him, but he and his team are now helping me with all the gear. Thank you, it's a big help." I smiled to myself and just said "you're welcome".

That's how I know. And I didn't even have to ask.