2 Month Update

Hi hi!

Can you believe it?? I've been in New York for 2 months now! Technically 10 weeks. 10 WHOLE WEEKS!

So yesterday was the observed Jewish holiday (I'm probably getting this wrong, don't mean to offend anyone) of Yom Kippur, and now that I'm in New York, that means the University is closed in observance. Which means no IM sports. Which means I have the night off WHAT WHAT!! We've actually had a few holidays due to the Jewish religion which is fine by me, I don't observe but I thank those of you that do because now I can do laundry and clean uninterrupted after work. And after work means right at 5pm, OH YEAH! We still had to work but like I said, I'm cool with that.

It's the little things like laundry and having a clean kitchen that really make you appreciate your mother. How she managed to keep it somewhat clean with 3 kids, I have no idea as I'm one person and I found my glasses underneath my couch and I'm pretty sure I had workout clothes sitting on my kitchen table for at least 2 days. (I don't eat at my table, that makes way too much sense, I use it for storage, duh)

So this place is going to look sparkly clean in about 2 hours and I couldn't be more excited to clean!

It's my apartment and I'll do with it as I please, thank you very much.

It has been the longest 2 weeks of my new life life. We started 3 out of our 18 sports this semester and it's been CRAZY. Just 3. JUST 3! Crazy and chaos all rolled into one, I call it Cray-os for short. From schedule mishaps, to everyone and their moms up in arms over my new rules (that are national standards but good lord you thought I had told them that their student loans didn't go through when I brought the "no slide tackling" rule to soccer) and clubs behind on payments, (Oh sorry, Marissa, we need this paid today but we still haven't turned in the paperwork for it) I feel like a complete and total FAILURE.

To the highest degree. Or Lowest...whatever.

I had to suspend a player for getting ejected from a soccer game. It was my first one on one sit down with a student who decided to yell obscenities at my official and then proceeded to punt the soccer ball out of the field because an official called a goal when he thought he had saved it. His team was up by 5 too. And he's a senior. Maturity is hard, I know. I was super nervous but held my ground even when he tried to stare me down. I stared back, told him it was a one game suspension and that if it happened again, or any other forms of disrespect/rule breaking that further suspension would be put into place. He literally stomped out of the office but I made my point, and my boss high-fived me. I know it's only the first one and probably the easiest but man, I hate that part of my job. It's not the olympics but there's nothing like competition to bring out the best and the absolute WORST in people. Geez.

And then I had a kid go on a rant to me in an email and I had to get my boss involved. Ugh. I hate that. I get students have needs and sometimes they just need to vent and feel heard but I hate that I have to get my bosses involved. I just know that I couldn't and shouldn't try to handle this on my own so I had to go asking for help. I hate hate hate asking for help when I feel like I should be able to do it on my own. And not just with my boss I absolutely abhor asking for help, period. (It's a fault, I'm working on it)

Pretty much what I say quietly, and not so quietly to myself. Every. Gosh Darn. Day.

My boss also picked up on my stress levels and told me I wasn't allowed to come into work on Friday. I laughed and thought he was joking but then he very seriously said that he would ask our secretary and that if she saw me come in (her desk is right by the only door) that there would be consequences. Um. Ok.
But I didn't really enjoy my day off because I kept thinking about all the things that needed to get done and still answered emails from home. It was more of a punishment. I ended up going on campus for official's trainings but ok'ed it by him first. Idk what the consequences would be but I wasn't going to test him. Too early in my career to outright disobey the boss. But I got some more sleep and napped which was really really needed. So maybe he had a point.

But then I got some wins in too.
Our new supervisors are doing great. They work really hard and most that I have talked to really like their jobs. They love having a uniform and feeling apart of something special. Which is why I was excited to be a Supervisor at Davis, so the fact that I know can give that to student staff is so awesome.
And then someone told my boss how well the games were officiated and that they really like how serious we are about the sportsmanship of teams (teams have to get a certain score in order to make playoffs. It's our way of saying "Play nice, or else.") and then some of the clubs literally told me that I was, and I'm quoting verbatim here "the best" and "super helpful" and I have the emails to prove it (daww thanks, guys!).
And one of the teams came up to me after their game and asked if they could play multiple nights a week. I told them, no, sorry, we can only schedule the one as we are really limited in field space and not every team can play that much. He said he would at least try and thanked me and said he just loved it and had so much fun. I looked on his game sheet and found out that his team actually ended up losing. He had that much fun and wanted to come out and play again, and they lost. Not by a little either. 
So I guess I'm doing somethings right. We are doing it right, it's just taking a while. (Patience is also a fault as I have very little patience. I'm working on it)

We try. No really, we are trying really freaking hard.

But it's hard to prove you're doing things right in a tangible way. Our numbers are technically down compared to last year, and every other department seems to be up. (Comparison is also a fault. I'm working on it. See a theme here?) So in my one on one weekly meeting with my boss I was ready to try and explain why we weren't where we should be and that things just take time.
Nope, instead I got a big good job, and atta girl and I was dumbfounded. How could he possibly think things were ok?? I didn't think they were. And because he's the boss, and not me, he proceeded to tell me to relax and learn to take a compliment. He said that if everything was based off of numbers, no one in higher education would have a job. Including him. Things come in waves and if we can make the program foundations better, than they will come. The students will see it and talk about it and they will come out and play. He told me to stop comparing and he reminded me that I'm not a GA anymore. I got the prize. I have a position, a career, not just a job and they hired me and are very happy with how well things have gone. I don't have to try to please as hard as before (he was careful to add that I was not simply stop working hard but that I needed to learn to give myself a pat on the back.)

Thanks, bossman. Thanks.

Like. Whoa.

He's right, though and I'm working on learning how to act/work/be a wage earner and not a student. To be a 'professional'. But it's so hard to let all that go. It'll happen but for now, I'm still just a 23 year old girl with lots of insecurities pretending to make it as a woman with a career. Like. Whoa.

By the way I'm in  my last month as a 23 year old. Thank goodness. 24 just sounds so much more mature and like they know what they want. A 24 year old Assistant Director. Yeah. That sounds much better.

Yeah. Right....

To be continued!

No New Friends

Hi Y’all!

So I’m back up in the air headed due north after a wonderful trip with my favorite newly wed. Kaylee’s husband (still weird to say!) is in Texas working on finishing up a different residency program to become a doctor but he’ll be back in a couple weeks. But it was kinda nice to have Kaylee all to myself while she showed me her new home in Lexington, Kentucky. She starts her job working in therapeutic recreation for a facility that caters to head trauma victims soon, and we spent the weekend checking out peddler malls, wineries, thrift shops, trying on derby hats, binge watching 30 Rock, and drinking lots of coffee. 

Except nobody stopped us and it was awesome

My heart is so full, that I don’t think I can be sad to leave. I am sad that it was so short but I think I needed this trip to help me realize that maybe I don’t need any new friends. The ones I have are the real deal. I was not only reminded of that when I was with Kaylee but leading up to my visit as well. 

I was having another rough night so I called my oldest friend. She and I go way way back to our teenage days of naivety, and we’ve grown up together, in my longest and most cherished friendship built on phone calls and video chat. We’ve visited each other numerous times but for the most part, it’s a all long distance all the time. I called her crying again. After explaining that I was missing people that I shouldn’t be missing and crying over a broken heart she sighed heavily and said “I hate seeing you like this and I just want you to be happy. But this has to stop. I just want to shake you! You aren’t completely innocent in this case and I know you want to go back but that’s not rational. It was what it was and it wasn’t what it wasn’t. It was a moment of your life that is over now. Quit living in the past.”

OUCH.

I think had it been anyone else I would have been super upset and just would have hung up. But she is right, and I have to give this new life a chance. I also need to stop trying to replace people or experiences that I did have. It’s all new and I’m not going to be happy trying to replicate the past. 

It was a wake up call that I needed. And visiting Kaylee, I was worried that we would try to do things that we used to do to try and make it the friendship that it used to be and it would feel forced. But then I realized that we just wanted to enjoy each other’s company and talk about not having to worry about the future in the terms of jobs or graduation. Now our biggest concern is paying off our credit card debt we racked up while in-between grad school and jobs and what color she wants to paint her living room. And it’s so refreshing to see each other with things figured out. Well kinda figured out. We laughed about the old times but we talked more about the present and the future. We didn’t try to relive the past because we didn’t have to. So yes, our friendship is different now, but it’s still a good one. 

I realized this as we were looking at Labor Day sales in the mall and we found two friendship necklaces. It may be childish but I got them for us because I’’m looking forward to being friends for a lot longer, and I’m ok with it changing too. (And they’re not the cheesy half-hear necklaces that say ‘best’ on one and ‘friend' on the other) Going to wineries and eating cookies and ice cream at 1am with my friend was just what I needed. And now I’m headed back and I feel ok. Refreshed.

We like wine that tastes like grape juice (and this one was really good juice)

Not pictured,  a "Do Not Touch The Grapes" sign

Lexington Street Art

If ever in Kentucky, go here.

Hard to tell, but she's mimicking the statue. We had some fun in that old church.

Too much fun. (those hats were upwards of $200...so we had to hide from the staff out of fear they would charge us for taking photos)

So I’m going to stop worrying about the fact that I don’t have any new friends. And that my life in NY isn’t the life I have ever had before. (What a concept) That will hopefully come and for now, maybe no new friends is what I need. Time to focus on my job and myself. Giving my new life a chance to unfold and my old, true friends will suffice with the group texts, snap chats and phone calls. Life happens and it won’t be daily but that’s ok. I now know who I can spend my miles on and who would go out on a limb for me. And the number isn’t very high and they aren’t very near but that’s ok because whenever we do come together, we’ll appreciate it all the more. 

#loveyoumeanit

To Be Continued!

Work Hard, Play Hard

Hello from 35,000 feet in the air! 

I’m currently somewhere above Philedelphia headed to Kentucky to spend Labor Day Weekend with Kaylee!

Cali and Kentucky reunited!! I am so happy that I just went for it and bought the tickets on a complete and total whim. When you spend two whole years seeing someone close to every single day at work, hanging out, and someone you have cried and laughed with through the ups and downs of spending every Sunday watching The Walking Dead and cooking dinner and dessert with someone it takes a toll on you when they aren’t in your life as much.

My heart can’t take all this change at once so I’m headed back to the South to be with her. We were thrown together as GAs when we came onto SIU’s campus 2 years ago, and shared a one person tent on our Team Bonding camping trip. We ended up getting eaten alive from mosquitos and slept on a hill with our heads facing downhill like idiots but we came out as pretty great friends.

So a couple of updates on my life- work is in full swing and I’m way busy. If I thought I was busy as a GA, I was sadly mistaken. I work, technically, from 8-4 in my cubicle office. But I really work at 6:30am when my alarm goes off until my eyes close around 11pmish. I might not be in my office but you’ll find me at the fields, taking calls in the middle of my yoga class (forgot to use do not disturb mode) and always always answering emails. 

Yes, I know that’s a really good way to get burnt out fast. Yes, Mom, I can hear you when you say you need to lessen your stress levels. But I got to work hard to make the right connections with the grounds crew so that my clubs have fields ready for their games. I got to introduce myself to the people who work in the student association offices so that I can promote my programs across campus. I’m meeting with the school newspaper, I’m going to meetings with people and departments that don’t make sense but it does, it all matters. I need to say “Yes” to any volunteer opportunity on campus, to every favor asked, to every “Can you do this?”. Yes. That’s the only way this program is going to be successful, if the face of it all is a friendly one, one that works hard and with little recognition because they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know that my goals are so vast and that I do know what they don’t know. I know that the club program is so far from it’s potential but Rome wasn’t built in a day. And IM’s aren’t even hitting the tip of the iceberg when it comes to potential. And we won’t even get started on student staff. Developing is a word in the present tense and we are developing departmentally at a fast fast pace. We have a long road to travel but it’s the right direction. And if that means I’m answering emails in bed at 6:33am so be it. I’ll sleep when the ship can be steered without me, but right now I’m steering the ship, building the ship and still navigating the ship all at the same time. I’m slowly gaining the trust of my crew but I bet you my last dollar that this time next year I’ll be in a good spot. Give me 5 years and whew, I’ll show you a completely transformed IM’s and Club Sport program, one that might even rival the big names out there. 

And to all those people, and jobs that said no, I want to personally say thank you for making me stronger and learning to take no for an answer, but you were wrong. I don’t regret choosing Albany, and I don’t think I should be somewhere else. But I was going to say yes to whoever was willing to give me a shot and work my absolute hardest in return. And Albany will be the better for it.

Today I spent the majority of my day with my GA and some supervisors lining fields for a University Police Department charity softball tournament. And then we replaced the 10 year old soccer nets for our clubs but realized the clips didn’t fit but we have games this weekend. So instead of putting the old one back we used zip ties and it took 2 hours but we got it done. We cleaned out some sheds for storage and I got my students set up to work at a promo opportunity for all the orgs on campus but I want them to be pushing for IM sign ups. I can push it but students get excited and more likely to join something when other students are excited. And I met with 3 clubs and two student employees for meetings. I ate my lunch while in my one-on-one meeting with my Associate Director, but I’m just glad I had that meeting so I could take a second to eat my pb&j sandwhich. After all that I ran home and changed before heading to the airport to catch a flight out of here. And I checked my email and answered more emails from the gate. Oh and we have an audit on Tuesday so I have all my purchases lined up and set to go as soon as I touch back down in NY. 

It’s ok, you can call me Super Woman, I sometimes do.

I’m so busy I hardly have time to think about anything else. But things aren’t a dead sprint at all hours and I do find myself yearning to go back to the ways of the old. My brain still hangs onto the past and makes me cry when I hear certain songs on the radio or I’ll be passing a pizza place with a similar name to the place friends and I went to at SIU and I lose it. I like to think I have thick skin and I can take the hater tweets and someone complaining to the Student Body Government because I’m running this program into the ground (supposedly) but just mention my old roommates name and I’m a child again who wears her heart on her sleeve. Throw shade and hate towards me and I’ll stand up with a purpose and twice as much force as before, but I have my weaknesses. 

But I met another girl in yoga and I might ask her to lunch sometime soon, and I’m starting a health program again. I got complacent and I want to focus on getting me back. So I’m using Usana and I got a health coach. Call me crazy, but I’m investing in my own life and if she and I can get me a few more years to live than isn’t that worth it? My goal is to be as toned as all those fit girl instagram profiles. So that’ll be fun to tell you all about my ups and downs of being a “fit chick who lifts”. If you find that annoying, see ya. I just got my weekly plan and I can already tell that I’m going to be in for some real hard work. But I think that’s kind of a common theme in my life, and if I work hard in bettering my job, than I should be able to work hard on bettering myself. I’m not going to work out for 4 hours a day, or give up my job, but I can through in a lunch workout and actually turn my phone off for an hour to prep my meals uninterrupted. Who else to promote healthy living to students than someone who is currently living healthy? This way I’ll be held accountable too as I have readers who will want to see my results. So pressure is on!

Thanks for reading. I don’t thank you all enough but knowing someone reads this and brings a little laughter to your life, than I think it’s worth it. I do it for myself but if someone gains from it, that’s a pretty cool bonus.

To be continued!