No New Friends

Hi Y’all!

So I’m back up in the air headed due north after a wonderful trip with my favorite newly wed. Kaylee’s husband (still weird to say!) is in Texas working on finishing up a different residency program to become a doctor but he’ll be back in a couple weeks. But it was kinda nice to have Kaylee all to myself while she showed me her new home in Lexington, Kentucky. She starts her job working in therapeutic recreation for a facility that caters to head trauma victims soon, and we spent the weekend checking out peddler malls, wineries, thrift shops, trying on derby hats, binge watching 30 Rock, and drinking lots of coffee. 

Except nobody stopped us and it was awesome

My heart is so full, that I don’t think I can be sad to leave. I am sad that it was so short but I think I needed this trip to help me realize that maybe I don’t need any new friends. The ones I have are the real deal. I was not only reminded of that when I was with Kaylee but leading up to my visit as well. 

I was having another rough night so I called my oldest friend. She and I go way way back to our teenage days of naivety, and we’ve grown up together, in my longest and most cherished friendship built on phone calls and video chat. We’ve visited each other numerous times but for the most part, it’s a all long distance all the time. I called her crying again. After explaining that I was missing people that I shouldn’t be missing and crying over a broken heart she sighed heavily and said “I hate seeing you like this and I just want you to be happy. But this has to stop. I just want to shake you! You aren’t completely innocent in this case and I know you want to go back but that’s not rational. It was what it was and it wasn’t what it wasn’t. It was a moment of your life that is over now. Quit living in the past.”

OUCH.

I think had it been anyone else I would have been super upset and just would have hung up. But she is right, and I have to give this new life a chance. I also need to stop trying to replace people or experiences that I did have. It’s all new and I’m not going to be happy trying to replicate the past. 

It was a wake up call that I needed. And visiting Kaylee, I was worried that we would try to do things that we used to do to try and make it the friendship that it used to be and it would feel forced. But then I realized that we just wanted to enjoy each other’s company and talk about not having to worry about the future in the terms of jobs or graduation. Now our biggest concern is paying off our credit card debt we racked up while in-between grad school and jobs and what color she wants to paint her living room. And it’s so refreshing to see each other with things figured out. Well kinda figured out. We laughed about the old times but we talked more about the present and the future. We didn’t try to relive the past because we didn’t have to. So yes, our friendship is different now, but it’s still a good one. 

I realized this as we were looking at Labor Day sales in the mall and we found two friendship necklaces. It may be childish but I got them for us because I’’m looking forward to being friends for a lot longer, and I’m ok with it changing too. (And they’re not the cheesy half-hear necklaces that say ‘best’ on one and ‘friend' on the other) Going to wineries and eating cookies and ice cream at 1am with my friend was just what I needed. And now I’m headed back and I feel ok. Refreshed.

We like wine that tastes like grape juice (and this one was really good juice)

Not pictured,  a "Do Not Touch The Grapes" sign

Lexington Street Art

If ever in Kentucky, go here.

Hard to tell, but she's mimicking the statue. We had some fun in that old church.

Too much fun. (those hats were upwards of $200...so we had to hide from the staff out of fear they would charge us for taking photos)

So I’m going to stop worrying about the fact that I don’t have any new friends. And that my life in NY isn’t the life I have ever had before. (What a concept) That will hopefully come and for now, maybe no new friends is what I need. Time to focus on my job and myself. Giving my new life a chance to unfold and my old, true friends will suffice with the group texts, snap chats and phone calls. Life happens and it won’t be daily but that’s ok. I now know who I can spend my miles on and who would go out on a limb for me. And the number isn’t very high and they aren’t very near but that’s ok because whenever we do come together, we’ll appreciate it all the more. 

#loveyoumeanit

To Be Continued!