Last One Before Race Day

Tick Tock goes the clock...

5 1/2 days.

140 hours.

and then the big 26.2.

It's almost here! Remember that one time I won a Marathon bid and I was like "Oh I have plenty of time."

That was over 6 months ago. Actually it was 230 days ago to be exact.

And here it is! I leave for NYC to meet my mom and grandmothers for what will probably be the most excruciating painful/moving/inspiring/goshdarnit moment of my entire life on Wednesday and then I do the thing on Sunday and it could very well beat many big milestones to come...or I might die.

I'm running a marathon. THE New York City Marathon. The Marathon of all flipping marathons...

Kind of how this week just crept up on me...oh look, it's here.

I am so nervous I could puke. I'm running a little everyday and I keep thinking there's no way can I do this. No way. I didn't run the 20 miler like I was supposed to. I ate cake and candy on my birthday, I had fun and stayed out on a Friday night past my bed time, I played kickball and ended up kind of hurting my knee like 2 weeks ago, I'm trying to be a high school basketball ref and that has taken time from my training, my job has me stressed out...I'm finding every possible excuse I can to validate myself if I fail. Because I'm human. And I'm scared.

But I raised (with the help of many many wonderful friends and family) over $3000 for a great cause. I can't let any of those amazing kids or you guys down.If they can battle cancer, I can do this.

I was feeling extremely overwhelmed a few days ago so I called my dad. He told me what I have always heard him say to me before every softball game, basketball tournament, job interview, final exam...
"Mind over matter, Shorty. You have to tell the negative voices to shut up on that day. You need to remember all of the people who are proud as hell of you and that you can and you will do this. Mind over matter."

And he's right. I do so much better knowing that no matter the outcome, I'll be ok. The sun will still rise in the east, and set in the west. I will still have my friends and family. The money still goes to the kids. I still made a difference. I did a really good thing. And not just for the blog.

I'll admit it's not just nerves, I am full blown scared. I'm running alone. Sure there might be strangers around me, but I always feel the most alone surrounded by people...so that's good. For 6 hours I'll be by myself, quiet, with my own thoughts. And my own thoughts aren't nice. They tell me to quit. To just stop. That I can't.

My half marathon didn't go so great. I did really well the first 8 miles. I was on pace, I had timed out when I needed water, and when I would need some Gu (some paste thing that's compacted with calories and electrolytes for runners. it tastes and looks like goo, hence the name) The last 5, sucked. I was running alone - most spectators had moved on, and no one was running  around me. I had a pack of maybe 4 runners ahead of me that I could see but they were too far for me to really grab on to that energy to keep up. I slowed way down. Like way, way, wayyyyy down. I walked. I cramped up. I even stopped to stretch and tie my shoes. And I was disappointed with myself at the finish line. I knew I could do better. But I had prevented myself from reaching that goal because I got into my own head. The negative voices took over. I got down on myself and was never able to get back up.

I know that it won't be like that next Sunday. There are over 10,000 people and I was told by past runners that you're never alone - there's always someone near you at all times. As my hometown only has about 6,000 people, I can't really fathom that amount. What does 10,000 runners look like?? But they were all positive, chipper people who probably enjoy running more than 3 miles and probably like talking to strangers. Yeah...no...socially inept is more my thing.

Chipper people...the worst.

So here is my plea to all of you reading this for a favor. It doesn't cost anything, I promise.

-Send some encouragement/good vibes my way. Help me keep the voices at bay - send a quick facebook post of encouragement, a text message, a favorite quote...heck, even 1 smiley faced emoji would make me smile and that might help me jog and not limp another mile. You can download the TCS NYC Marathon App and once I find out my bib number, you can follow me throughout the race at the various check points that I'll pass through. Download it and then tell me you "saw" me at mile X or Y and that you care. I'll have my phone on, and maybe even give you a call. I got 6 hours to kill, and I don't know if my playlist will keep me going for 6 hours. (It's at 4 hours right now but some songs are meh...just filler space) Don't judge my pace time - when you run a marathon, we can talk about how I'm slower than a turtle in molasses but NOT a moment sooner.

I know you do care. You all invested in this journey with me 230 days ago since you're reading this now as that's all I have talked about. But I don't like to say I need help. But I do. I have to ask for a little help.

I'm going to finish this marathon. I have ran for the past 230 days and have hit over 200 training miles in the process and you've been there every step of the way. It would just be really great if you could all cheer me on for the last, and  most important 26.2 miles.

I got this. Maybe. Yes, I do. We'll see. Yeah, no, I got this, I got this.

The next time you'll hear from me will be post-marathon. *insert internally screaming here*

To be continued!!

Marathon Training Update

Hello from Syracuse, New York!

I'm currently eating my carb loaded spaghetti and meatball dinner with a side of banana (for potassium) and half water/half powerade (for electrolytes and hydration) watching Sherlock Holmes alone in this hotel patiently waiting for in 12 hours I'll be waiting with about 1,000 other people for the gun to go off and then to run 13.1 miles.

I paid for this race. I paid for this hotel room. I paid to get here. I could be out having a beer but apparently me and 1,000 others are completely BONKERS and wanted to go run instead.

How every single non-runner sees us. Including me.

It's for my marathon training - I'm exactly 3 weeks from the Marathon and this will be a good way to train. Or so my online trainer says. I'm 'supposed' to work on my pacing - to not start too fast and to learn when my body might need pee breaks/water breaks/walk breaks/good lord wtf am I doing breaks/call the ambulance right now breaks. I know. I'm currently thinking about how I could be home right now but here I am.

I want to work on my timing and my ability to calm myself down when I hit that "runner's wall" or whatever. The runner's high doesn't actually last the entire marathon for most - it goes away and some people get it back but I can tell that won't be me. I'm going to lose it around mile 5. Oh yay. Only 21 miles of pure agony.

While this isn't my first half marathon it is my first big race by myself. I'm not with other friends and I had to register, get the hotel, and now mentally prepare.

Mentally preparing is the worst. Typical scenario - woo, yay, excited, we're here, in the hotel on a mini vacation. I got my outfit planned out. I have my Gu (basically food like product that is literally gooey and slightly disgusting but it gives you some much needed calories and energy while running without stoping to eat a burger) and my socks and shoes and a playlist ready.

How most runners look. Happy. Smiling. So goddang photogenic.

But while that's all fine, I somehow ALWAYS forget the pain right around mile 5 and how desperately I want to just end and die right there.

How I look running. Just. No.

This time though...I've trained a lot more. I've ran more than 5 miles more than anyone should ever run and while I still hit the dreaded number 5 with a lot of sweat and groaning...I'm hoping I can get through that mile a lot faster this time around.

I'm also nervous at what to do at the end. I won't have anyone to run to, no one to high five or at least hug because good lord your body just went through a traumatic event and a hug is kinda like the pity prize. But here's to new experiences and learning to be ok with being alone. Even during a half marathon.

I know my body pretty well and I know I'm not going to be fast - I had a rough 2 weeks with that flag tournament and the stress took a toll and not in a good way. But I'm hoping that I can shave some time off my old time of 2 hours and 50 minutes and get around 2:40/2:30. Because that means I can finish the marathon in 5 hours (Oprah did it in 4.5 so I'm giving myself a little more time but not much more...).

So here's to that delicious spaghetti and banana and an early bed time (hello Advil PM). Wish me luck! Here's to one step closer to that marathon! (Internally screaming) It's all going to be great!

See you at the finish line!

Post Number 101

Cross out Dalmatians and add Blog. No wait, leave Dalmatians, that's one of my favorite movies!

You lucky dog, you. You're reading my 101st blog post! If you've read all 101, you're either a)obsessed with me or b)my mother or c) just bored and have nothing better to do, but I thank you anyway! And hope that I can give you lots to laugh and shake your head at for many more blog posts to come!

What else to talk about than my crazy work-filled/marathon training/mishap life?!? 

First- This last weekend UAlbany IM's put on a Flag Football Officials' Clinic and Tournament for NIRSA. And yours truly was the Tournament Host/Director/NOT AT ALL QUALIFIED BUT SURE I GOT THIS THING person in charge.

Internally screaming Noooo for the love of God nooooo!

Let's take a stroll down memory lane shall we? Yes, let's. 

-Less than 3 years ago I went to my first NIRSA Flag Football Tournament at Notre Dame in the Fall of 2013. And I was astounding by the intensity, the level of knowledge the other clinicians had and I was frigid. Like frozen to the bone the entire time. I wrote about it in my blog and talked about how amazed I was and that I definitely felt like a baby dolphin in a sea of sharks. One of these is not like the others...and she's way out of her league, that's me!

Just add about 3 inches of snow, wind at 30 mph and picture me shivering to death trying to keep score and that was what Notre Dame looked like.

Now, fast forward to September 30th, 2016. And there I was setting up fields and hotels, and working out every last detail that we had already scoured over for the past 9 months preparing for this endeavor. 

We had 5 teams (barely, thanks to Boston for bringing some kiddos to combine with my kiddos to make a semi-legit team) 30 officials, 12 clinicians (a few of whom that LITERALLY wrote the flag football rule book. Not joking or exaggerating in the slightest either-cross my heart) 6 student staff members at any given time, not enough pizza (apparently when feeding 50 officials it's actually like feeding 75) a social that I'm fairly certain the wait staff have black listed us from returning (no one got too rowdy but we definitely saw some regular patrons walk in and then walk right back out), a bit of a hotel debacle as the poor college kid got SUPER frustrated with my room list and said "whoever made this reservation is a FREAKING GENIUS" and then I walked up and said, Hello, I'm Marissa and I'm your freaking genius. That shut him up. We also had one Field hockey Ref that got upset that our whistles for the tournament would interrupt the UAlbany Field Hockey game vs. Maine and made us move fields (still bitter. Very bitter. Not going to lie, I'll stay bitter probably forever, no offense Maine Field Hockey but I won't ever like you) AND we somehow managed to pull it off.

Freaking Field Hockey...Who actually plays this sport anyway??

All of the games were played. No one forfeited. All of the officials got to watch and learn and take back some solid knowledge and experiences that they can take back to their prospective campuses. We had a New York team win and move on to a Regional Tournament (like the one I went to at Notre Dame. See the theme here? We do lots of tournaments in rec sports) and I spent roughly 40 hours working this weekend (I got about 4 hours of sleep each night).

Marissa, MBA, Recreation Professional, AND Successful Tournament Host. Yes, I'll be adding that to my email signature. I don't care if I look braggadocious, I am freaking proud of myself and my team for doing what we did. 

My GA and the Supervisors worked their tales off. Did I mention that we had 5 other club soccer teams on campus for a round robin of games? Yeah. And that we still had IM Slow Pitch Softball to play? Yep. Count that too. I have a staff of 9 and needed 12...every single one of them did at least one shift. Many did much more. They put in major work and I'm getting them all donuts for tomorrow's morning supervisor meeting.

Even though I can't hide my emotions and everyone could tell my anxiety and stress levels were through the roof, I had a great time. I love it. I laughed with some other rec professionals that were there at Notre Dame 3 years ago when I was just getting started. I met others and was able to expand my network but also my friend list (more important, obvi). And I think everyone was impressed with our little program that we have at UAlbany. We do with what we have the best that we can. If that means using racquetball courts as a conference room, then so be it. If that means we have 3 undergrads, 1 GA and 1 clueless professional (me) lining fields hours before the first game would start because we had to wait for grounds keeping to finish mowing the grass then you can bet on us being out there, liners and fresh paint ready to go. (Those lines were actually kinda awful and not straight but who brings a protractor to work everyday...) 

Braggadocious is actually a real word. True story.

And I was once again, amazed by how great my staff did. They are a good bunch, and they work very hard. And I was complimented by others on how great they were. This isn't the first time it happened but I am that mother hen that is just beaming with pride over her little chicks. They're all growing up so fast! 12 months ago they were all little babies who had big, wide eyes and now they basically run the program without me (basically. If my boss reads this, I don't want to lose my job).

They have come a long way. And I'm excited for their future. If I can help them become contributing adults to society through IM Sports, then it was a good day in my book. Not all of them will go down the Rec Sports path, but I can only try and prepare them to adapt to whatever life throws them. Whether it's having to move fields at the last minute, or working on a budget proposal at a finance company, I hope they lean on what they learned under my direction. 

Even a few of them call me "Mom" and I fuss but secretly I like that they see me as someone they can not only joke with but always be there for them too.

So to those that are reading this and took part in the tournament and clinic (and my mother for listening to me vent about it for months prior, during and after) a huge round of applause and A Big Thank You All too! I brag that it was all me, but we all know that without the contributions from people like you, it wouldn't have been 1/2 the experience that it was. I'm humbled that you all would come out to little UAlbany and do what we do best - talk sports. 

I was going to talk about my marathon training and how I'm too competitive to actually be a runner because I HATE getting passed by other people on the trail... But I'm going to save it for later because it's almost my bed time and this girl is still trying to catch up on sleep. 

To be continued!