5 1/2 days.
140 hours.
and then the big 26.2.
It's almost here! Remember that one time I won a Marathon bid and I was like "Oh I have plenty of time."
That was over 6 months ago. Actually it was 230 days ago to be exact.
And here it is! I leave for NYC to meet my mom and grandmothers for what will probably be the most excruciating painful/moving/inspiring/goshdarnit moment of my entire life on Wednesday and then I do the thing on Sunday and it could very well beat many big milestones to come...or I might die.
I'm running a marathon. THE New York City Marathon. The Marathon of all flipping marathons...
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| Kind of how this week just crept up on me...oh look, it's here. |
I am so nervous I could puke. I'm running a little everyday and I keep thinking there's no way can I do this. No way. I didn't run the 20 miler like I was supposed to. I ate cake and candy on my birthday, I had fun and stayed out on a Friday night past my bed time, I played kickball and ended up kind of hurting my knee like 2 weeks ago, I'm trying to be a high school basketball ref and that has taken time from my training, my job has me stressed out...I'm finding every possible excuse I can to validate myself if I fail. Because I'm human. And I'm scared.
But I raised (with the help of many many wonderful friends and family) over $3000 for a great cause. I can't let any of those amazing kids or you guys down.If they can battle cancer, I can do this.
I was feeling extremely overwhelmed a few days ago so I called my dad. He told me what I have always heard him say to me before every softball game, basketball tournament, job interview, final exam...
"Mind over matter, Shorty. You have to tell the negative voices to shut up on that day. You need to remember all of the people who are proud as hell of you and that you can and you will do this. Mind over matter."
And he's right. I do so much better knowing that no matter the outcome, I'll be ok. The sun will still rise in the east, and set in the west. I will still have my friends and family. The money still goes to the kids. I still made a difference. I did a really good thing. And not just for the blog.
I'll admit it's not just nerves, I am full blown scared. I'm running alone. Sure there might be strangers around me, but I always feel the most alone surrounded by people...so that's good. For 6 hours I'll be by myself, quiet, with my own thoughts. And my own thoughts aren't nice. They tell me to quit. To just stop. That I can't.
My half marathon didn't go so great. I did really well the first 8 miles. I was on pace, I had timed out when I needed water, and when I would need some Gu (some paste thing that's compacted with calories and electrolytes for runners. it tastes and looks like goo, hence the name) The last 5, sucked. I was running alone - most spectators had moved on, and no one was running around me. I had a pack of maybe 4 runners ahead of me that I could see but they were too far for me to really grab on to that energy to keep up. I slowed way down. Like way, way, wayyyyy down. I walked. I cramped up. I even stopped to stretch and tie my shoes. And I was disappointed with myself at the finish line. I knew I could do better. But I had prevented myself from reaching that goal because I got into my own head. The negative voices took over. I got down on myself and was never able to get back up.
I know that it won't be like that next Sunday. There are over 10,000 people and I was told by past runners that you're never alone - there's always someone near you at all times. As my hometown only has about 6,000 people, I can't really fathom that amount. What does 10,000 runners look like?? But they were all positive, chipper people who probably enjoy running more than 3 miles and probably like talking to strangers. Yeah...no...socially inept is more my thing.
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| Chipper people...the worst. |
-Send some encouragement/good vibes my way. Help me keep the voices at bay - send a quick facebook post of encouragement, a text message, a favorite quote...heck, even 1 smiley faced emoji would make me smile and that might help me jog and not limp another mile. You can download the TCS NYC Marathon App and once I find out my bib number, you can follow me throughout the race at the various check points that I'll pass through. Download it and then tell me you "saw" me at mile X or Y and that you care. I'll have my phone on, and maybe even give you a call. I got 6 hours to kill, and I don't know if my playlist will keep me going for 6 hours. (It's at 4 hours right now but some songs are meh...just filler space) Don't judge my pace time - when you run a marathon, we can talk about how I'm slower than a turtle in molasses but NOT a moment sooner.
I know you do care. You all invested in this journey with me 230 days ago since you're reading this now as that's all I have talked about. But I don't like to say I need help. But I do. I have to ask for a little help.
I'm going to finish this marathon. I have ran for the past 230 days and have hit over 200 training miles in the process and you've been there every step of the way. It would just be really great if you could all cheer me on for the last, and most important 26.2 miles.
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| I got this. Maybe. Yes, I do. We'll see. Yeah, no, I got this, I got this. |
The next time you'll hear from me will be post-marathon. *insert internally screaming here*
To be continued!!
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